Proving Nonsense

-1. A sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.

Proof: A sheet of writing paper is an ink-lined plane. An inclined plane is a slope up. A slow pup is a lazy dog. Therefore, a sheet of writing paper is a lazy dog.

-2. A peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

Proof: A peanut butter sandwich is better than nothing. But nothing is better than eternal happiness. Therefore, a peanut butter sandwich is better than eternal happiness.

-3. Every horse has an infinite number of legs.

Proof : Horses have an even number of legs. Behind they have two legs, and in front they have fore legs. This makes six legs, which is certainly an odd number of legs for a horse. But the only number that is both odd and even is infinity. Therefore, horses have an infinite number of legs.

-4. Death comes to no man.

Proof: As is well known and celebrated in legend and song, when we approach death, our whole life flashes in front of us. This short review—if it is to be complete—must also include the moment we approached death and the flashback of our life. But this second flash must by the necessity of completeness include another flash of life. And that flashback must include still another and another, etc., etc. Hence, although we may approach death, all eternity is not enough time for us to reach it.