Nothing is Simple

Remember when soda companies let you know right off the bat that you didn't win their contest? In ye olden times, I would unscrew the cap, read that I was not a winner, and then carry on with my soda drinking. And even though I was never a winner, they thanked me for playing. I appreciate that. I could just drink my soda without a lingering sense of false hope. Now instead of, "not a winner, thanks for playing," I read "JX933F7"...oh shit! "JX933F7!" That could mean anything!...or nothing! Odds are that I am as much as a loser as I always was, but I have to decode the matrix to find that out. For all I know, I could have discarded a lifetime supply of something.

I own a bed. That's all I know about it. I fall asleep on it and that should be the extent of a bed's purpose (for me, anyway). I am glad I am not in the market to buy a bed today. There are too many options that over-complicate sleeping. A sleep number bed is too much pressure. So let me get this straight...if I don't get a good night's sleep, it's my fault? Just because I couldn't figure out your sleepy-time unit of measurement? A sleep number can range from 5 to 95...what does this number represent? You know why I don't buy furniture from Ikea? Because I have to assemble it. And I can only fuck that up once. I thought there might be a scientific way of discerning your sleep number; nope. You just lay down and mess with the controller. At least that other brand of mattress has "visco-elastic memory cells." I know thats not a real thing, but it sounds scientific and NASA is name-dropped in the commercial. I mean, come on...NASA! They went to space and junk!